Long overdue update (ARCHIVE)

I’ve decided it’s time to resurrect this old blog and let everyone know what I’ve been up to.

Currently, I’m doing a summer internship which I am finding pretty rewarding. I’m so lucky I’ve been able to put some experience under my belt during the past 10 months or so. Previously, I worked at my university’s radio station in a work study position. I loved it there and it was really difficult for me to leave once the year was over.

Right now it’s all about enjoying my summer while working 40 hours a week… Oy vey! I’m looking forward to beginning my senior-ish (I’m not technically graduating for 3 more semesters) year of college in the fall too. I’m also really excited to go to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks! I’ve been planning the trip with my boyfriend since March and we’re finally going as a part of my birthday celebration.

I turned 21 two weeks ago, which is pretty exciting. Everyone keeps telling me that I’m an adult now, but I still feel the 10 year old inside of me wanting to come out and go back to elementary school. In all seriousness though, I am really excited for what the future is going to bring me. I’m excited to graduate and to hopefully get a “big-girl job.” With that comes some apprehension, but I think I can handle what life throws my way.

I don't know the source of the quote. It came from Pinterest.

I don’t know the source of the quote. It came from Pinterest.

I think my biggest struggle in this place I’m at in my life, is finding true friendship. I’ve always been shy, awkward and quiet, so it’s no surprise that I’ve had a hard time making friends throughout my life. I recently had one of my longest friendships crumble and it has brought me down a lot ever since. I still have pretty good friends, as well as an unconditionally loving boyfriend and family, but my spirit still feels crushed sometimes. I hope that in time I can figure myself out.

Now that you know what’s going on with me, I hope that I can continue to update you all on my life as it happens. What I’m kind of hoping, is that I can turn this blog into a piece of my portfolio, even if it doesn’t correlate directly with what my degree is.

-Arianna

Friendship can hurt (ARCHIVE)

I mentioned before that I had lost a friend recently. I wish that it was for a good reason. I’ll never know why she decided that I wasn’t worthy of her friendship. That’ll haunt me forever. The unknown is so scary. I find myself wondering sometimes if she misses me at all. We were best friends for years and she ended it like nothing ever happened.

I’ve been trying to move on with my life and build new friendships, but every once in a while I’ll see something that reminds me of her and I get really sad. I want to call her when I hear one of our songs.

It’s really a heartbreaking thing to lose friends. I think I cried more than I ever did over any boy. I think people forget that friends are a huge part of your being. You begin to love them like your family. It’s easy to think, “She doesn’t deserve my friendship if she doesn’t care about me,” but making yourself believe it is difficult.

Last night I met up with my old best friend from middle school and most of high school. We’ve known each other for nearly 10 years, which is absolutely insane to think about. Anyway, we had a falling out probably around the end of my senior year. I had seen her a few times in the past few years, but we hadn’t really hung out. I ended up seeing her at this big 4th of July event here in town and she sent me a text asking me to come out for some drinks with her. I was a little reluctant because I felt like I don’t know her anymore because it’s been so long. I ended up just going though. I actually had a really great time catching up with her. It’s crazy how you can go so long without seeing someone and talk like you’ve never been apart.

jgreenSometimes I do kind of wish that I could have my best friend back, but I know she doesn’t care anymore, so why should I? I can’t continue to torture myself. It was hard to see her get engaged early this year, but I’m not going to bring myself down anymore. Maybe one day we can be friends again, but I’m leaving that up to her. She’ll always be a part of my life that I can’t take back. I just hope I can look back on those memories and not feel so sad.

Right now I’m trying to work on myself. The people who truly care are here for me. I’m working on strengthening friendships and trying to make new ones. It might take time, but I know everything will be fine in the end.

Dealing with Emetophobia (ARCHIVE)

It’s been a while, but I thought I would talk about this issue.

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I’ve been emetophobic for about 5 or 6 years now. I couldn’t tell you what triggered it, because I really don’t know. All I know is it’s the worst. Thankfully, over the past couple of years it has gotten better. I’m not 100% better, but I’m hoping I will make more and more progress.

***In case there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know what emetophobia is, it is the fear of vomiting.

Let me first explain to you my story, and then maybe I can offer some advice.

The furthest back I can recall my phobia is to the 10th grade. That was the last time I was sick. Yes, I remember the year, month, and time of the day it happened. I think a lot of my fear comes from feeling like I am “overdue” to get sick. Ever since then I am terrified of throwing up. I obsessively check expiration dates and avoid anyone who has been sick recently.

4a7b12e885a3060efa6f37f983ee514aIt’s not like anyone likes throwing up. Everyone thinks that I’m being irrational. I don’t think anyone can truly understand until they’ve felt this way. I also have digestive problems, which make me feel ill often. Sometimes I do feel like anxiety plays a part in that too. Not only do I feel awful, but I have nagging anxiety that makes me feel worse. Not fun.

To give a rundown of what I deal with everyday, I’ve compiled a list.

Weird things that I do/trigger me/make me anxious:

  1. I check the expiration date on everything I eat. If it’s expired, I won’t eat it. If I can’t find the expiration date, it’s not worth the risk. I also worry about food going bad, so I’m very cautious about how long things sit out on the counter. I have a lot of issues with eating leftovers at other people’s houses because I don’t know how long ago the food was cooked. I will slyly try to find out when it was made.
  2. I never can completely enjoy myself while drinking. Not like it’s a good thing to get drunk anyway, but I always am conscious of how much I’m drinking. I am always asking myself if I feel sick and if I feel even slightly unsure I will not continue drinking or I’ll take a break. I also have bad anxiety when I’m at parties around people I haven’t been around while drinking before. I don’t know if they are the type of people who will get so drunk that they puke. Parties are really not my favorite things.
  3. I hold my breath while walking past trashcans. This is a weird one, but I read online once that breathing the air where someone has gotten sick can get you sick. I also have trouble going into bathrooms where I know someone has thrown up because according to that thing I read, even if it’s cleaned up you can still catch a bug. I probably shouldn’t believe everything I read on the internet and I don’t remember the source, but it always stuck with me.stop
  4. The sounds/being around it gives me severe anxiety. Movies, real life, etc…. I cannot be around anyone if they’re throwing up. I’m never going to be the friend that holds your hair while you puke. It’s not because I don’t love you, but I will start crying if I were to. Movies don’t bother me as much as they used to, but I still avoid it if I can.
  5. I won’t try new restaurants because of the fear of food poisoning. It’s amazing that I even eat out because most emetophobes don’t, but I will not take risks. Unless I know that lots of people eat there everyday and the place looks nice, I’m not going to eat there. I will probably never try hole-in-the-wall types of places.
  6. I knock on wood a lot. This is another really strange thing, but I’m pretty superstitious. Every time that I catch myself thinking “I haven’t been sick in a long time,” I have to knock on wood or else I think that it will jinx it.

I’m getting much better. It’s gotten to the point where I will take more risks with things, but I know I still have a long ways to go. I hope that one day I can not worry about it so much when someone says that they’re sick. I don’t want to panic when someone says they’re not feeling well.

umbrellaquoteNow that you know all of that about me… Here is my advice. Keep in mind that I’m not a professional; this is just what has worked for me!

  1. Don’t keep your fears to yourself. This is hard, I know. I still struggle with this because no one really understands. But it’s good to let people know if something makes you uncomfortable. Then maybe they can be more cautious with what they say or do around you.
  2. Try not to eat out. If you are really terrified of food, it’s best to just prepare your own. Not only is it healthier, you have so much more control over whether or not you’re going to be sick. Just make sure you know food safety to ensure that!
  3. Find someone who understands. I am fortunate enough that I have a friend who actually suffers from the same phobia and understands what it is like! It makes it a lot more comforting to know you’re not alone and share advice with each other. I also suggest finding blogs that talk about emetophobia! My favorite is a Tumblr blog called emeto-things. The girl who runs it is super awesome and she’s really good about offering advice that is really comforting! Whenever I’ve felt anxious about anything I’ve been able to send her a message and she will reply pretty promptly.
  4. Remember you’ll be okay. Most of the time you’re just psyching yourself out. Our immune systems are a lot stronger than we think, and it takes a lot to actually make you throw up. Your body basically uses it as a last resort to get toxins out. It helps me a lot to remember that even if I do get sick I’m not going to die. I might be terrified, but it won’t kill me.

I hope I was able to help anyone out there who may suffer from the same phobia as me. We’re going to be alright in the end!

What’s going on? (ARCHIVE)

Hey guys,

I know, I’ve been neglecting this blog. I’m still kind of struggling with what I want it to be exactly, so bear with me.

As an update, my semester is almost over! I can’t believe that, it feels like it just began. I’m doing pretty well in my classes, so I’m hoping that it will be a nice little GPA boost.

I’ve talked about friendship before and how my friend and I never really reconciled. I recently spoke to her and I wouldn’t really say that we reconciled, but I did finally get some closure which was good. If you have anything in your life that was left unresolved, I really encourage you to try and figure it out if you can. It can make you feel 1000x better.

Earlier in the semester I went to my final advisement before graduation, which is really exciting! I only have about a year to go, as I’ll be graduating with my bachelor’s in December 2016. On one hand, it feels like I just started college, but on the other I’m ready for it to be done with because it’s starting to drain me, haha.

I spent a while today looking up YouTube videos on how to crochet. I really would like to learn. I wish I had thought of it earlier because what I would really like to do is be able to make scarves, blankets, hats, pot holders, etc. and sell them. Maybe for Christmas someone can show me how to do it and I can do it next year.

I really don’t have much more to say. I know I never really update this thing, although I said I wanted to, but like I said, I need to figure out what I want the blog to be.

I hope everyone has a blessed holiday season, no matter what you celebrate.

Much love,

Arianna (:

 

Back at it (ARCHIVE)

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Hey everyone!

Well, it’s a new semester… my second to last actually. It’s quite scary, but I know I can conquer it.
Today I wanted to talk a little about what I am trying to do in my personal life. Lately I’ve been trying to get my finances (what little I have) in order and have been trying to budget. I haven’t been really doing it long enough to see any impact, but I’m really just trying to prepare for after graduation when I really need to budget.

I’ll let you know how that goes. I hope I can give some advice on it if it works out! Right now I don’t have much advice, but I guess I can just let you know what I’m doing to start out?

  1. Excel worksheets

I basically started by just making a super simple (nothing like the picture above) excel sheet with my finances. I don’t know how to use it fully, so I just kind of did what I knew how to do. There I set a budget for how much I can spend on each category, and then use a formula to keep track of how much I actually spend.

 

2. Pinterest

So basically, this is probably a no-brainer for many of you. All I did was look at budgeting articles on Pinterest. There are about a billion and one of those things and it’ll probably give you an idea of what you should do. I would just say, stick to the simple ones. Don’t try and use something you don’t understand. You can probably even just make your own plan by combining aspects of different pieces of advice.

 

3. Half method

Okay, so I’m only putting this in here because I saw something on Pinterest and it really surprised me that a lot of people don’t already do this! I get paid bi-weekly and I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS put half of whatever type of payment (car, rent, etc.) aside as soon as I get paid each check. It makes it easier so that you don’t have a scrape by at the end of the month when you have to make payments! It also helps ensure that you’ll have that money and you don’t blow it on something else. I usually just get an automatic transfer every other Friday so I don’t even have to mess with it. Check with your bank to see if you can do that. Again, I was just really shocked because I just thought many people already used this method. I couldn’t even imagine myself paying my bills with one paycheck!

Like I said, I don’t have much advice now, but hopefully within the next few months I might, depending on how it all works out. Something I saw today was a plan where you don’t spend money on anything that isn’t life-or-death for an entire week. I want to try that out. I’ll report back.

Well, that’s really all I have for you this evening. I hope you all are having a blessed new year and that you’re successful in everything you’re doing!

 

See ya!

-Arianna