Friendship can hurt (ARCHIVE)

I mentioned before that I had lost a friend recently. I wish that it was for a good reason. I’ll never know why she decided that I wasn’t worthy of her friendship. That’ll haunt me forever. The unknown is so scary. I find myself wondering sometimes if she misses me at all. We were best friends for years and she ended it like nothing ever happened.

I’ve been trying to move on with my life and build new friendships, but every once in a while I’ll see something that reminds me of her and I get really sad. I want to call her when I hear one of our songs.

It’s really a heartbreaking thing to lose friends. I think I cried more than I ever did over any boy. I think people forget that friends are a huge part of your being. You begin to love them like your family. It’s easy to think, “She doesn’t deserve my friendship if she doesn’t care about me,” but making yourself believe it is difficult.

Last night I met up with my old best friend from middle school and most of high school. We’ve known each other for nearly 10 years, which is absolutely insane to think about. Anyway, we had a falling out probably around the end of my senior year. I had seen her a few times in the past few years, but we hadn’t really hung out. I ended up seeing her at this big 4th of July event here in town and she sent me a text asking me to come out for some drinks with her. I was a little reluctant because I felt like I don’t know her anymore because it’s been so long. I ended up just going though. I actually had a really great time catching up with her. It’s crazy how you can go so long without seeing someone and talk like you’ve never been apart.

jgreenSometimes I do kind of wish that I could have my best friend back, but I know she doesn’t care anymore, so why should I? I can’t continue to torture myself. It was hard to see her get engaged early this year, but I’m not going to bring myself down anymore. Maybe one day we can be friends again, but I’m leaving that up to her. She’ll always be a part of my life that I can’t take back. I just hope I can look back on those memories and not feel so sad.

Right now I’m trying to work on myself. The people who truly care are here for me. I’m working on strengthening friendships and trying to make new ones. It might take time, but I know everything will be fine in the end.

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